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Amuse-bouche
French air kisses - a delicacy, a light brush of each cheek to be shared with friends of equal sophistication and perhaps pretentiousness that went out of fashion during the Covid epidemic.
Pair with an Hermes handbag and tickets to the Met Gala.
Entrée
Kiss of life - otherwise known as CPR, a forceful exhalation of breath into your expiring victim who will be eternally grateful to be able to move on to the next course as these reservations took 6 months to get.
Pair with mouthwash.
Plat principal
Romantic kiss - preferred by women, let us call it the fish course. Gentle, passionate, cannot be faked. À volonté.
Pair with caresses.
Sexy kiss aka French kiss - preferred by men, let us call it the meat course. Relevé. Deep-throated, devouring, a prelude to a very interesting night indeed.
Pair with silk handcuffs.
For anyone who orders both, this is the person on whose funeral pyre on the Ganges you would throw yourself. Marry them.
Plat du jour
Kust de hand - an antique and courtly gesture of kissing the hand of a woman to whom you are devoted or from whom you wish to obtain a favor.
Pair with breeches that will not split when you bend down so obsequiously.
Fromage
Hickey - this course is often skipped, the mark it leaves is as offensive as the smell of Limburger.
Pair with, oh how would I know?
Dessert
Good-bye kiss - this comes in infinite flavors depending on the occasion, the mood, and whether you care to see them again.
Pair with a handkerchief.
Digestif
Kiss of death - this is the result of overindulgence in the above.
Pair with an ambulance.